Who Am I, Anyway? Nathalie’s Story

1. The phone never stops

A café, late afternoon. Rain on the windows. A spilled cup. Nathalie's phone keeps buzzing.

Nathalie: Shit… Sorry. I really can't do anything right today.

X: It's only spilled coffee.

Nathalie: You don't know the rest.

X: No. And I won't pretend to.

Nathalie: My mother just sent me eight messages. Eight! “When are you coming home? Did you call the school? Have you thought about your future?” She thinks I'm five.

X: Do you want a napkin?

Nathalie: What?

X: For the table. We can start with what's in front of us.

Nathalie: You're weird.

X: It happens. You seem to have had a hard day.

Nathalie: A hard year. Or a hard life. I'm twenty-one, I've changed courses three times, and everyone acts as if I've already failed my life.

X: And what do you think?

Nathalie: That I'm useless. Well… no. That the world is useless. I don't even know anymore.

X: You just went from judging yourself to judging the world. That was quick.

Nathalie: Are you going to analyse me?

X: No. I'm listening. And I notice you still haven't put your phone down.

Nathalie: It's the only place where people understand me.

X: Then why do you look so alone?

Nathalie: Because once the screen goes dark, they disappear.

X: And what's left?

Nathalie: Me. That's exactly the problem.

X: My name is X. If you want to keep talking, I can stay a little longer.

Nathalie: I don't promise to be pleasant.

X: I'm not asking you to be.

2. Perfect lives

A few days later, same café. Nathalie scrolls through videos in front of X.

Nathalie: Look. She's my age. She lives in Lisbon, she works out, she makes a living from her videos. Two hundred thousand followers. Me, I dropped out of my semester.

X: Do you know her life?

Nathalie: I've been following her for three years.

X: You know what she chooses to show. That's different.

Nathalie: So you're going to say it's all fake?

X: No. Maybe she's happy. I have no idea. But I'd like to know what you feel when you watch her.

Nathalie: Envy. And shame. I tell myself I should be thinner, prettier, braver.

X: Who decided on all those “shoulds”?

Nathalie: Nobody. Everybody.

X: Now that's an answer worth stopping on.

Nathalie: I'm not going to go live in a cave without internet.

X: I didn't suggest that. I'm only asking what these images add to your life, and what they take away.

Nathalie: They give me ideas. But afterwards, I hate myself.

X: Both can be true. An influence isn't entirely good or bad. What matters is what it produces in you.

Nathalie: So what do I do? Delete all my apps?

X: That would be one more big decision made in the heat of an emotion. Try something smaller: ten minutes without your phone, after watching those videos. And ask yourself what you're really missing.

Nathalie: Ten minutes is ridiculous.

X: Then it'll be easy.

Nathalie: You're annoying.

X: I've heard that before.

3. Anger has a face

In a park. Nathalie is coming back from a demonstration. Her voice is sharp, her hands are still shaking.

Nathalie: At least there, people actually move! We don't wait for things to change on their own.

X: What were you standing up for today?

Nathalie: People who are treated unfairly. Rights. Important things.

X: Do you believe in it?

Nathalie: Obviously.

X: Then I won't reduce your commitment to your anger. But I'd like to know what happens inside you when you get home.

Nathalie: I'm even more wound up. I look for videos, I argue with strangers online, I have a row with my father.

X: The cause matters to you. Yet the way you live it seems to wear you out.

Nathalie: So you want me to stop caring?

X: Quite the opposite. I wonder if you could stand up for something without destroying yourself along the way.

Nathalie: That's easy to say when you're not my age. You grew up in a different world.

X: You're right. I don't know what it means to be twenty-one today. Explain it to me.

Nathalie: You have to be committed, high-performing, good-looking, informed, available. If you don't post, you don't exist. If you get something wrong, everyone remembers.

X: And what if you didn't meet a single one of those obligations for a whole day?

Nathalie: I'd feel like I was disappearing.

X: Maybe that's the fear worth listening to, before looking for a new battle.

Nathalie: I don't want to be told that my convictions are a problem.

X: They aren't necessarily. But your suffering deserves a place in the conversation too.

4. What the joint turns down

Evening. Nathalie arrives exhausted. She has barely slept.

Nathalie: My mother found my weed. Now I'm officially the family disgrace.

X: Have you been smoking for long?

Nathalie: Since high school. At first just with friends. Now mostly in the evening. It quiets the noise in my head.

X: And the evenings when you don't smoke?

Nathalie: I go round in circles. I get irritable, I sleep badly. But that's because I have too many problems.

X: Maybe. It's also possible that regular use contributes to those difficulties, especially when you cut down. I can't judge that for you.

Nathalie: You're going to tell me to stop too?

X: First I'm going to ask what you're looking for when you light a joint.

Nathalie: Not to think anymore. For an hour, I'm not the disappointing daughter, or the lost student, or the girl who compares herself to everyone.

X: And afterwards?

Nathalie: It all comes back. Sometimes worse.

X: So the relief is real, but temporary. And if you notice it's hard to do without, an addiction professional can help you understand what's going on, without judging you.

Nathalie: I'm scared they'll take away the only thing that relaxes me.

X: You don't have to promise anything here. But you can ask yourself what this habit costs you, and what you'd like to get back.

Nathalie: I'd like to be able to sleep without needing something.

X: That's a wish of your own. Not your parents'.

Nathalie: Yes. For once.

5. The sentence you don't let slide

A week later. Nathalie has missed two classes and is avoiding calls. A long silence.

Nathalie: I'm sick of it. Some mornings I don't even know why I'm alive anymore.

X: When you say that, do you mean you feel lost, or have you thought about hurting yourself, about dying?

Nathalie: I feel empty. I thought it would be simpler not to wake up. But I have no plan to hurt myself.

X: Thank you for telling me. I take that seriously. Do you feel safe today?

Nathalie: Yes. But it scares me to think like that.

X: I understand. You shouldn't stay alone with those thoughts. Is there someone you trust that you could call tonight?

Nathalie: My cousin, Léa. She doesn't lecture me.

X: Could you tell her what you've just told me? And make an appointment with a doctor or a mental health professional? Your exhaustion, your sleep and those thoughts deserve proper help.

Nathalie: I thought you were going to make me breathe and tell me it would pass.

X: Breathing can help in a difficult moment. But it doesn't replace care when the pain gets this heavy. And if you ever stopped feeling safe, you'd need to look for urgent help immediately.

Nathalie: So you don't have a method for everything?

X: No. And it would be dangerous to make you believe I did.

Nathalie: I can text Léa now.

X: Yes. I can stay while you write it, if you'd like.

Nathalie: “I need to talk. Not tomorrow. Tonight.” There.

X: That's an important step.

Nathalie: It's just a text.

X: Sometimes a simple step is exactly what's needed.

6. A word for what overflows

A few weeks later. Nathalie has seen someone and stays in touch with her cousin. She meets X after a guidance interview that went badly.

Nathalie: I stammered. I forgot half of what I wanted to say. My mother called right after. I'm going to explode.

X: What's weighing on you most, right now?

Nathalie: Everything. Don't start again with your questions.

X: Then not ten questions. Just one: if you had to choose a word?

Nathalie: Pressure.

X: Where do you feel it?

Nathalie: In my chest. And my jaw.

X: Would you like to try relaxing your jaw, feeling your feet on the ground, and letting your breath slow down? Without forcing.

Nathalie: That's not going to fix my interview.

X: No. But it might help you not make your next decision in a panic.

Nathalie: … I'm breathing a bit better.

X: What deserves your attention today? Just one thing.

Nathalie: Calling the school back and asking if there's another option.

X: You can do it when you feel ready.

Nathalie: It's strange. You haven't solved anything. But I feel less like everything is lost.

X: You've just separated one specific difficulty from the idea that your whole life is a failure.

Nathalie: It sounds obvious, put like that.

X: When you're overwhelmed, the obvious hides well.

7. Parents and boundaries

A quiet street. Nathalie has just hung up on her father.

Nathalie: He said: “At your age, I already had a job.” I told him he doesn't understand anything at all.

X: Did he hurt you?

Nathalie: Yes. He thinks I'm lazy.

X: And what do you think he feels?

Nathalie: Shame.

X: Do you know that, or are you imagining it?

Nathalie: … I'm imagining it. Maybe he's worried.

X: He can be worried and clumsy. You can be hurt and unfair in your reply. Several things can be true at once.

Nathalie: So I have to apologise?

X: You don't have to do anything. But you can choose what you want to protect in this relationship.

Nathalie: I'd like him to stop comparing me to himself.

X: Can you tell him that without attacking him?

Nathalie: “Dad, I know you worry. But when you compare my life to yours, I feel even more lost.”

X: And what boundary would you like to set?

Nathalie: “I'm happy to talk about my plans, not to be judged every evening.”

X: That's a no that doesn't close the door.

Nathalie: He might take it badly.

X: You don't control his reaction. You can only try to be clear about your own.

Nathalie: I think that's what wears me out: wanting to control how everyone sees me.

8. An evening without escape

At Nathalie's place, in the evening. She is alone.

Nathalie: (to herself) Ten minutes without a screen. It's stupid… I can at least try.

She turns her phone face down, opens the window, then closes it straight away. Her hand reaches for the phone out of habit.

Nathalie: I'm nervous. I want to smoke. Or watch a video. Anything not to just sit here.

She sits down. Her shoulders are high. She lets them drop. She notices her breathing, then writes on a sheet of paper: “Loneliness. Fear. Tiredness.”

Nathalie: I don't need to sort out my life tonight. Just to get through this evening differently.

She calls Léa.

Léa: Hello?

Nathalie: Can you talk for five minutes? I'm having a rough evening.

Léa: Of course. Do you want to tell me about it, or just have me stay on the line?

Nathalie: Just stay on the line, to start with.

The next day, Nathalie doesn't feel transformed. But she got through a difficult evening without staying isolated, and she notices it.

9. Going backwards

An argument with her mother. The next day, Nathalie meets X, ashamed.

Nathalie: I did it again. I smoked, I spent the night on my phone, and I missed my appointment. Everything we talked about was useless.

X: You had a bad night. That's not the same as “everything was useless”.

Nathalie: You always find a phrase to smooth things over.

X: Then I'll be clear: you missed an important appointment. There are consequences. And you can also learn from what happened.

Nathalie: I was furious with my mother. I wanted to numb myself.

X: You're getting better at spotting the moment the urge appears. What could help you next time?

Nathalie: Calling Léa. Going out for a walk. Not keeping cannabis within reach. Talking about it with the professional I see.

X: Those are concrete options. Which one seems possible this week?

Nathalie: Bringing it up at Thursday's appointment. And calling back about the one I missed.

X: You don't need to punish yourself to move forward.

Nathalie: I'm still ashamed.

X: You can acknowledge what you regret without turning it into your identity.

Nathalie: So I'm not “the girl who fails at everything”.

X: You're the girl who failed at something, today. That's not your whole story.

10. The sphere

A bench by the water. The sky is changing fast. Nathalie finally asks X to explain the way he thinks.

Nathalie: You've never told me why you always ask questions instead of giving advice.

X: Because advice can become one more noise. I try to look at a situation from several angles, including the ones that contradict me.

Nathalie: Like what?

X: Imagine a sphere. You're at the centre, and all around you there are possible directions: your family, your friends, your studies, your convictions, your fears. No single direction should decide your life on its own.

Nathalie: So I can change my mind?

X: Yes. And you can also care about something without locking yourself into it. Intuition sometimes points you in a direction; observation and reflection help you check whether it suits you.

Nathalie: That sounds like a philosophy.

X: For me, it's mostly a way of thinking and of observing yourself. I'm not asking you to believe in it.

Nathalie: And the centre, what is it? Being calm all the time?

X: No. It's being able to recognise what's pulling you along, and finding enough space to choose. Even when you're sad or angry.

Nathalie: So sometimes I have a centre and sometimes I don't.

X: Maybe it doesn't disappear. It just becomes hard to feel when too many things are speaking in your place.

Nathalie: I like the idea of the sphere. But if I keep turning in every direction, I'll never get anywhere.

X: Good objection. Being free to look everywhere doesn't mean standing still. You also have to choose a direction, even a provisional one.

Nathalie: That, I can try.

11. A decision of her own

Two months later. Nathalie has found a work-experience placement in a graphic design studio. She isn't sure she wants to make a career of it.

Nathalie: I've accepted a three-week placement. I don't know if I'll like it.

X: And you accepted anyway?

Nathalie: Yes. Before, I'd have waited to be a hundred percent sure. Now I tell myself that three weeks isn't a life sentence.

X: How are things at home?

Nathalie: Not perfect. My father still asks too many questions. But sometimes I manage to answer him without shouting. And he offered to go with me on the first day.

X: Did you accept?

Nathalie: No. I said thank you, but that I wanted to go on my own. He took it well. Well, almost.

X: And social media?

Nathalie: I still go on it. I turned off some notifications. I still get jealous sometimes. But I notice faster when I start comparing myself.

X: And the cannabis?

Nathalie: I talk about it with the person who's supporting me. Some days are easier than others. I'm not going to pretend it's all sorted.

X: You don't have to pretend.

Nathalie: The strangest thing is that I haven't found “my true personality”. I'm still changeable.

X: Did you think you had to become someone who never changes?

Nathalie: Yes. Now I think I can evolve without betraying myself.

12. Finding your centre

The last meeting. The same café as at the beginning. Nathalie's phone buzzes; she leaves it in her bag.

X: You're not checking your phone?

Nathalie: If it's urgent, they'll call back.

X: You look different.

Nathalie: I'm still me. I'm even still pretty annoying, some days.

X: That, I don't doubt.

Nathalie: Before, I wanted someone to tell me what to do with my life. My parents, my friends, people on the internet… Even you.

X: And now?

Nathalie: I still listen to others. But I try not to give them the last word anymore.

X: Do you know where you're going?

Nathalie: Not exactly. And for once, that doesn't stop me from moving forward.

X: What do you take away from our conversations?

Nathalie: That I can feel something without obeying it straight away. That my anger isn't all of my thinking. That asking for help doesn't mean losing my freedom. And that one bad day doesn't tell the story of my whole life.

X: Have you found your centre?

Nathalie: Not the way you find an address. Sometimes I still lose it.

X: So?

Nathalie: So I know better how to come back. I put the phone down. I breathe. I give a name to what's weighing on me. I choose one small thing to do. And when it's too heavy, I don't stay alone anymore.

X: That sounds like a good beginning to me.

Nathalie: A beginning? After all this time?

X: Would you rather have an ending?

Nathalie: No. In the end, no.

Outside, the rain has stopped. Nathalie walks out without looking at the screen lighting up in her bag. She doesn't yet know exactly what life she will build. But she is starting to recognise the one she is living.

A final note

This story freely adapts several practices from the guide: recognising outside influences, naming an emotion, coming back to the body, cutting down on demands, saying a fair “no”, looking for a minimum of clarity, and accepting that balance comes and goes. X is not a therapist and never replaces the professionals who support Nathalie.

If you are going through a hard time, don’t stay alone with it. Reach out to someone you trust or to a helpline in your country (US: call or text 988; UK & Ireland: Samaritans, 116 123; Switzerland: 143). In an emergency, call emergency services.

Steeve Grangier — October 2026

💬 Your view matters. Is Nathalie anything like you? Join the conversation in the comments below.